Trembling

Put The Rural Alberta Advantage's 'Don't Haunt This Place' on.

There are too many things which have happened in my life for me to be able to write them all down, but I think I have comunicated almost all of them at one point or another, because I am a veracious story teller. The story doesn't always have to be true, it just has to interest me.

This one's true though, and it's horrific, but I have to set it out clearly and if you're following my blog you'll already know how screwed up I am so you'll have to forgive me. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Drugs being tea. Rock and roll being clubbing. Sex being un-wished for.

What happened last thursday:

A couple of friends and I had decided to go on a 'Harry Potter' themed pub crawl. The university charity group has organised it and their themed pub crawls are always hilarious. So we got tickets, and then on the night, they all chickened out. So I called my friend Jess who had been looking for tickets after they sold out, and her and Cain, the guy who ought to be gay but gets with girls, were overjoyed to take the spare tickets. We predrank a bottle of whisky and a good amount of jager, and headed out.

(Mistakes 1 and 2 of the night - not sticking with my flat mates, and, pre-drinking, then bringing drinks in plastic bottles with us so that we wouldn't sober up on the walk there.)

We were late onto the crawl so we joined up with them on their third 'pub' - the downstairs of Timepiece, which has a club upstairs which wasn't open yet, and which is kind of dark and wooden and I rather like it. I had some nice neat whisky and realised I knew hella people on the crawl, so started chatting with various groups, one of which involved my friend Rob from my old school, which was funny to me in the state I was in.

(Mistake 3 - not sticking with one group of friends.)

We then hit the last bar (Pitcher and Piano) before running off to the club. I cannot actually remember the walk between them aside from standing on a bench with the folks from B1.

(Mistake 4 - hanging out with people I had already gotten off with.)

Once I was there I didn't even bother getting a drink, I was that gone. I went up to the smoking area and felt upset that there was no one there I really knew. The next thing I remember is this dark south-african guy putting his hands down my pants but not kissing me. Intriguing.

(Mistake 5 - allowing that to happen.)

He then drags me off the dance floor and I agree that I want to go home as WOW he lives just up the hill from me so maybe we could just share a taxi back. As we exit the club I realise I don't want to leave but his arm's around me and we're in a cab and he's doing unmentionable things to me and then we're in his room and he's on facebook. I'm serious. He said something like, don't you always check facebook when you get home from a night out. I say no. He gets me naked, has a rather large dick (terrifyingly large) and I tell him I don't think I can do this. I feel absolutely horrified at the idea of anything that large approaching my delicate self. His friend calls him and he holds me down with one hand whilst answering the phone. He then gets me all het up and so on, and it ends up with us having sex. I don't say 'no' until about half way through when I'm in major pain and he either doesn't hear me or pretends not to. I don't say it that forcefully.

(Mistake 6 - not making myself clear. The words I wanted were, 'I'm saying no, and if you keep going, that will be classed as rape.')

He keeps going on about wanting to make me come, but I don't and I eventually manage to slide out of bed and lock myself in his bathroom. I come out and ask why he didn't kiss me at all, whilst I get dressed. He says he only kisses his girlfriend. I tell him I don't think my boyfriend would be too impressed with me (you expect me to tell him the truth about anything?) and run out the door, ask someone down his hall for the way out. Yes I was too drunk to remember which door was which.

Once outside, I run down the hill crying my eyes out and thinking 'I'm going to go cry on everyone in my flat and then Will won't be mad at me.' I don't know why this is the thought I'm thinking, but I was mainly worried about Will being mad at me as I'd told his friend something I shouldn't have earlier (see post before this one). I notice a guy in a big coat ahead of me, am half terrified but then the hill gets really steep and he's concerned and I end up holding his arm. He's french. He says, What happened? I say, Someone had sex with me, and, I didn't want them to, and, I'm all wrong, and, look, I'm even doing this wrong.

He says he's going back to his room. I ask if I could come and have tea. He says yes. I go and have tea and he has posters of John Lennon and Spiderman cartoons around his room and two left handed guitars and his room is just perfectly messy enough.

(This ought to have been a mistake but it wasn't. Hurrah.)

I leave and run home.

I get here, go into my room, get scared, wonder where everyone is, put on a hoody, go into Reshi's room, that's where a load of people are, and collapse crying. They take notes on the details and tell me I should report him. I go sleep in Eva's spare bed.

I don't think I want to report him. What if they don't believe me? What if he gets deported? What if he really did think I wanted to do stuff? I just hope to god I didn't imagine the bit where he put on a condom.

And I have two massive hickeys.