aha finally got some sleep

seeing straight at this time of the day! Not too much alcohol in the system despite centurians!

but still not entirely straight as my guilty feelings just transfer themselves from one thing to another. Oh dear, abandoning you after such a cocky little comment 'well this is a new record for us - normally we're all over each other within ten minutes. I think we should give it another half an hour.'

but don't you see? It has to be my decision. For some reason. So I abandoned you. I'm not very good at taking people seriously anyway. Like Avatar Cullen boy. 'You're only the second girl I've ever kissed. And then you went and kissed him right in front of me.'

So why am I blogging this? Well, it's an image isn't it. A life fragmented by others emotions. I wonder what I feel? A little amused, a little guilty, a little disgusted... But mainly like I'm a bad person. And under all that, really interested. My little lyric poem I'm in is getting gnarly. I wonder what this is doing to me? I wonder how long it will take for me to get bored? I wonder if I will ever find someone who takes me seriously.

Last night, sitting in the corridor with Rob, reading out J M G Le Clezio and discussing Kerouac and Kafka, finally felt like I was at university. The problems with this scene: -does he remember he kissed me that night he got really drunk and if so what does he feel about that? -i'm tipsy -there's too much going on around us -i feel bad about something or other -i haven't done my work yet -i don't really 'get' rob, at all.

Blitzkreig by Pure Reason Revolution.