living by your side, what a heavenly way to die

No. no no no. I refuse. Fuck off.

Gutter gutter gutter cliché

I look like a monkey / wisdom / chatter / you’re Chris, right / repetition / monsters / terror / darkness all around / hand on shoulder / I am not alright / it will be amazing / who are you / black black is the night / yellow / what / yellow is the moon / who said that / asexual you sexual me / wall against bare back / whose voice is that / can you hear a printer? / the corridors are too narrow / where / no / why is the back bare? / come on / it would be fun / pickaxe / I’m scared / here have a cigarette / sitting on beer barrels / butterbeer / gullible tours / first to four / first to four / shots? / I’m on three / no I like the wall / no I like the fabric / sledgehammer / beautiful gay guy / gay / who are you? / you’re fine / no / are those nines? / where’s nancy / why are there eyes there / chandelier / unplug fridge / why does this feel necessary / red trunk / falling

I’m alive.

There’s a field of flowers here and a pond and trees and I love love love walking around and it’s like there’s never any time any time at all.

Song for today - Us by Regina Spektor.

Why didn’t you tell me that the darling buds of May only lead to Flowering? Spring/Summer but you’re trying to change all that she wants to be Autumn I want to be Summer but we’re always the wrong way around. How funny that intelligence still gets trapped in the imagery of the screen.

Everyone is archetypal.

I don’t care. I don’t care where we’re going. I don’t care who knows. Why should I believe in privacy? Put it online, why should I hide? I’m smiling in the photo, right? Is that a smile? Or is that just a shape? My friend sees shapes when he listens to music. Why am I listening to The Smiths?

It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright.

I kind of wish I hadn’t watched any movies, ever.

I have to find The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser. My meditation leader has beautiful breath and a beautiful voice and recommended it.