you shook me out of revision mode

The sky flopped open, exposing the gold heart in a fluffy grin, licking the walls in an amber buzz of something which was thicker than light. We watched how the sky was purple or white, even when it was pretending to be grey. I was waiting for thunder, and no matter how many times I read about the fearsome absence of thought I couldn’t place the concept anywhere but where it was most comforting. So I let that go and saw how we all linked hands and ran together through meadows of cyberspace.

But out in reality they’ve been cutting the grass, thick green death filling my head dozy and bright. I learnt that time doesn’t have to move fast or slow it just has to move, and I remembered your plans for midsummer, and I wondered when midsummer was, and the scene in The Great Gatsby where they claim to miss it every year, and the insolence of humanity in the face of the seasons and the rhythms. Convenience, ignoring nature, forcing things one way or the other – ‘they are already come’. Revision is in my head like the music, which is perfect.

Song for the day is Frightened Rabbit’s Keep Yourself Warm. Its lyrics don't pertain to me at all. But it's a beautiful song anyway.
‘You won't find love in a, won't find love in a hole.
It takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm-
SEE in the dark!
Can you see the look in your face?
The flashing white light's been turned off
You don't know, know who's in your bed.’

I met one of the kind of people I simply cannot to relate to (at least, at first) today. I live in hope that once he’s been in my company a couple of times I’ll be able to say things and not have this nervous laugh, and not sound like a complete idiot, not be so embarrassing that I feel sorry that my friend’s introduced me as her friend because he’s not going to be impressed with her friend choice if I’m a representative sample. And then he might feel insulted that he’s her friend. And then I’d have insulted someone simply by being the strange person I am. But whenever I meet those kinds of people, it requires such will power to see them ever again. Why am I scared? It’s clearly them being shy or something. MAN UP, me. Then again, why do I need to incorporate him into my life? There is a reason – he’s Maya’s boyfriend. Thus, not only must he be worthy but he must also be interesting. I think my logic may be flawed. I don’t regret it, though.

Does one need to believe in things to be able to relate to them? I guess even if you don’t believe in the real world it’ll still be there and be annoying you, in reality that idea of mine just fell through. You don’t have to believe in an oncoming car to get hit by it. But, in order to step out of the way, do you? I don’t know.