a message, sent at some time between 3 and 4 last night. To Adam. Fuck. Did he actually yell at me? Bastard. Was he just fucking with my mind or did he actually mean that I was using him? Does that mean he's serious about liking me or does that mean he expected sex and I haven't given in? Does he really think I only go for him when there's no one else? I was looking for him all night.
On the other hand, he has a point. Random guy who fell on my ankle. Random guy who gay friend set me up with who said he loved me. Random guy who looked like Johnny Flynn. Andy (oh god. Andy. that was meant to wait until he fell in love with me. fail.). Then Adam. Then...
I don't know. I haven't been 'bad' in so long that I felt owed some slack... but now I know basically everyone in the club, having either got with them before or eaten meals with them, or both, that it's simply awkward.
For the record, I don't count my actions as using people. When I know someone's serious I consider yes or no, and if I don't want to get involved I make sure they know. Rob, for example, did not get more than a business-like hug. I didn't know Adam was serious... okay so he's been kind of on and off all term but whenever he sees me we just mess around, right... I don't think he's serious. 'I can't afford to do this' what the fuck does that mean?
SNOW SNOW SNOW
Also, since when did Hindle appear from my past and tell me I'm too old? Totally ruined my groove.
My groove.
Oh yeah, you heard me.
Also, when a club is dropping money on you, don't decide that you are bonnie and clyde and that violence is fine as long as you have a strong guy to help you. Particularly if you don't even like the concept of money grabbing. URGH CONSUMERISM SURROUNDING ME. I yelled at cars the whole way home.
OW MY FACE.
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